Best Secret Islands on Earth

Hollywood scouts were on to something when they skipped over Mykonos and chose a secret island in Greece as the location for Mamma Mia. The movie was a $600-million hit, in part because it fueled peoples’ fantasies of escaping to a secluded island (and yes, those catchy ABBA tunes didn’t hurt).

Surprisingly, that picture-perfect movie location, Skopelos, has stayed under the radar. When you hop off the ferry, you’ll be wowed by the view of the shimmering Aegean Sea, the island’s tile-roofed tavernas, and a decided lack of travelers.

There are still gems like Skopelos hidden all around the globe, if you know where to look. T+L editors have done the hunting for you to uncover secret islands where you can truly unwind, from the rugged Chilean spot that inspired the novel Robinson Crusoe to a tiny island in the Caribbean that was virtually deserted for decades until a luxe resort opened in 2010.

Similar high-end resorts have been popping up across Southeast Asia, where many islands are vying to be the next Phuket. So those looking to get far off the grid head to Con Dao, an archipelago 110 miles off Vietnam’s southeastern coast. Sheer granite cliffs border deserted beaches and crystal-blue water, and a private guide can lead you by motorbike to remote spots like the spectacular Dam Tre Bay lagoon.

Diving enthusiasts should opt instead for the secret island of Mabul, off the northeastern coast of Malaysia, where the marine life is on a par with the Galapagos. Even better, the native sea moths, bobtail squids, and elusive paintpot cuttlefish are some of the only inhabitants.

Travelers looking to commune with nature can also find solitude on Nicaragua’s acre-wide Jicaro Island on freshwater Lake Nicaragua. The nine casitas at Jicaro Island Ecolodge were built from storm-felled trees, and all the food is locally sourced; you can sip a passion-fruit-banana cocktail as you sit by the infinity pool.

Prefer something closer to home? On Washington’s Lummi Island, a nine-square-mile oasis on Puget Sound, you can sample the region’s bounty (net-caught salmon, spot prawns) while watching orcas ply the waters.

Whatever your daydream, you’ll find a destination to match by checking out our slideshow of secret islands around the world.

Vietnam: Con Dao

Phu Quoc might be hailed as the next Phuket, but those looking to get far off the grid head to this undiscovered archipelago just 110 miles off Vietnam’s southeastern coast. A 45-minute flight from Ho Chi Minh City brings you to Con Son, the largest (and only inhabited) member of the 16-island chain. Here, sheer granite cliffs border deserted beaches and crystal-blue water—imagine a tropical Amalfi Coast without the crowds. Up until now, you’d have been hard-pressed to find a decent place to stay, but the arrival of the Six Senses Con Dao (Dat Doc Beach; 84-64/383-1222; sixsenses.com; villas from $685) has brought a welcome dose of luxury to the island. Standing along a stretch of golden sand are 50 airy villas (some with private pools) that look out onto the South China Sea. Food is a highlight here. In classic Six Senses style, the hotel’s Vietnamese restaurant is set up to resemble a market; there are separate stalls “hawking” noodles and rolls, while made-to-order dishes are cooked outside in charcoal-fueled woks. You may be tempted to never leave the resort, but the 20-square-mile island is well worth exploring. Hire a private guide from the hotel, who will bring you via motorbike to the area’s most remote spots, including a 19th-century hilltop lighthouse and the spectacular Dam Tre Bay lagoon. 

T+L Tip: Take a boat trip to Bay Canh Island to view endangered hawksbill turtles during nesting season (May through September), arranged by the hotel.

Indonesia: Gili Trawangan

Searching for the Bali of, say, 1970? Head to Gili Trawangan, a tiny island near Lombok dotted with countless waterside cafés. No motorized traffic is allowed here—the best way to get around is to rent a bicycle or use your own two feet. The daily agenda involves nothing more than fishing, diving, or kicking back with a cold beer at Scallywag (South Beach; 62-370/645-301; lunch for two $30). On the southern coast, Hotel Vila Ombak (hotelombak.com; doubles from $150) has 115 airy oceanfront rooms.

T+L Tip: Hop the ferry to Mount Rinjani (lombokmarine.com; tours from $225), an active volcano on Lombok

Portugal: Pico

When Columbus made his expedition in 1492, Pico was considered a last outpost before you, well, fell off the earth—and it remains virtually unknown. It’s a shame, what with wines unlike anywhere else, and footpaths that weave through beautifully eerie landscapes of lava. In the middle of a Unesco-designated vineyard is the Pocinhobay (Pocinho-Monte; 351/292-629-135; pocinhobay.com; doubles from $238), where six basalt bungalows take in views of the Atlantic.

T+L Tip: For dinner, head to Ancoradouro (Areia Larga; 351/292-623-490; dinner for two $45) to sample regional specialties such as polvo guisado (stewed octopus).

Sweden: Sandön

There’s a reason mystery writer Stieg Larsson chose Sandön as a setting for his popular Millennium thriller trilogy: the island is covered in a forest of moss and pine trees, and a light fog shrouds the windblown beaches. Check in to the modern Sands Hotell (46-8/5715-3020; sandshotell.se; doubles from $298), just steps from the harbor in Sandön’s only town, Sandhamn. At Sandhamns Värdshus (46-8/5715-3051; dinner for two $100), chef Henrik Lepistö whips up classic Swedish dishes such as house-marinated herring and pytt i panna, a traditional hash with fried egg and beets.

T+L Tip: Rent a mountain bike from Sandhamnsguiderna (46-8/640-8040; sandhamnsguiderna.se; bikes for two $60) and pedal through the forest to Trouville, Sandön’s best stretch of sand.

British Virgin Islands: Scrub Island

The name may suggest otherwise, but a trip here hardly constitutes roughing it. Once a pit stop for explorers, it’s been virtually uninhabited for decades—until last year, when the luxe Scrub Island Resort, Spa & Marina (877/890-7444; scrubisland.com; doubles from $375) opened its doors. What to expect? Spacious hillside villas, guided trips to nearby Norman Island, and sunset nature hikes.

T+L Tip: Reserve Honeymoon Beach (accessible only by boat) for a picnic à deux.

 Greece: Skopelos

A one-hour ferry ride from Skiathos, the island of Skopelos is so picture-perfect (hidden coves; blue-roofed tavernas; hundreds of Byzantine-era churches) that Hollywood chose its Kastani Beach as a set for Mamma Mia. At the just-renovated Adrina Beach Hotel (Panormos; 34-24240/23371; adrina.gr; doubles from $98), the 49 pastel-colored rooms face the pine-tree-studded coastline, strewn with daybeds. Later this year, the same owners will debut the more upscale Adrina Resort & Spa (Panormos; 30-24240/23371; theresort.gr; doubles from $110), with 16 terraced rooms and 22 villas that look out onto the turquoise Aegean.

T+L Tip: After a dinner of grilled lamb at garden-side Perivoli (Skopelos Town; 30-24240/23758; dinner for two $60), walk to open-air Mercurius Bar & Café (Skopelos Town; 30-24240/24593; drinks for two $12), or the hillside Ouzeri Anatoli (Skopelos Town; 30-24240/22851; drinks for two $12), for live rebetika music.

Belize: Caye Caulker

There’s nary a traffic light on this laid-back island—a five-mile strip of land that’s a 15-minute flight from Belize’s main airport. Head to Shark Ray Alley to snorkel among nurse sharks and stingrays or go scuba diving at the underwater caves of Blue Hole. Aboveground, try the curried lobster at the roadside Jolly Roger’s Grill (Ave. Hicaco; 011-501/664-3382; dinner for two $25). On the eastern side of the Caye, Seaside Cabanas (501/226-0498; seasidecabanas.com; doubles from $105) has 10 rooms and six colorful cabins, each with its own roof terrace for taking in those amazing Caribbean views.

T+L Tip: Visit during the annual Lobster Festival (July 1–3), when the main road turns into a street party. 

Bahamas: Sampson Cay and Exuma Cays

Partially protected from commercial activity since 1959, the Exuma Cays are normally the domain of cruisers—and a few privileged landowners such as Johnny Depp. But guests at Sampson Cay have access to the area’s thriving patch reefs and isolated islets. At the Sampson Cay Club (877/633-0305; sampsoncayclub.com; doubles from $275), the five modest villas include wide patios that are perfect for watching the sunset. While the limestone karst terrain may be rugged, every path ends on a stretch of secluded white sand.

T+L Tip: Rent a Boston Whaler from the hotel (from $250 per day) to tour the surrounding islands

Iceland: Flatey

Don’t expect to see much night sky here: in summer, daylight shines for up to 21 hours on this rocky one-mile hideaway in Breiðafjörður Bay. Lush meadows and multicolored timber houses dot the scenery, and the mainland’s Snæfellsjökull volcano is always within eyeshot. In town, Hotel Flatey (354/555-7788; hotelflatey.is; doubles from $180) stays true to simple Scandinavian design (blond-wood furniture; whitewashed walls), and the downstairs restaurant turns into a live-concert venue for local talent at night.

T+L Tip: Swing by Iceland’s oldest (and smallest) library, built in 1864.

Best Affordable All-Inclusive Resorts

All-inclusive resorts that deliver surprising luxuries, service, and cuisine at an affordable (and predictable) price.

As a Manhattan assistant district attorney and mother of three, Kerry Chicon can make a persuasive case for needing a break from stress and planning. So finding a low-maintenance vacation is her high priority: “When we travel with kids, we always go all-inclusive,” she says.

Savvy travelers like Chicon aren’t just taking the easy way out—they’ve discovered that an influx of service-oriented hoteliers has raised the bar on the all-inclusive resort model, introducing more amenities and more of a sense of place.

Better still, the perks and convenience of an all-inclusive vacation can be had at a great price (from $149 per night at the Ocean Coral & Turquesa on Mexico’s Riviera Maya). Keep your eye out for air/resort packages offered by big travel providers, and you may find even lower rates.

One of the biggest improvements at all-inclusives like the Ocean Coral & Turquesa is the food. In years past, the cuisine at many all-inclusive resorts had all the flair of a Holiday Inn buffet, with a few slices of pineapple to signify location. Buffet lines haven’t disappeared entirely, but resorts are recognizing that showcasing fresh ingredients and local cuisine will lure guests with more refined palates.

Taking the focus on cuisine even further, Azul Beach Resort on the Riviera Maya calls itself “gourmet-inclusive”: The 97-room resort operates four full-service restaurants, several snack bars, and a lounge dedicated to tequila, just to keep foodies coming back.

Gone, too, is the desperately perky social director organizing a poolside conga line. Resorts are one-upping each other with an ever-expanding roster of diversions: golf, tennis, ziplines, kids’ clubs, snorkeling trips, Spanish lessons, beachfront climbing walls, kayaking, and trapeze instruction. Even lazing on the beach has received an upgrade: you’ll find hand-carved Balinese beach beds under palapas at Melia Caribe Tropical.

Lolling on the sand used to be enough; exploring outside a resort’s gates was discouraged. But some all-inclusives now embrace local pride. CoCo Bay urges guests to check out the nearby national park and local museums to get a taste of Antigua that can’t be experienced from a hammock. In Barbados, Mango Bay invites local bands to play and runs casually guided excursions to area shops.

Sure, you may be able to find great food, thoughtful service, and a wealth of activities elsewhere on the beach, but at what cost and after how much research?

These all-inclusive resorts guarantee vacations where, for a few nights, you can count on economic stability and ease of planning. Treat yourself to one of these trips as a kind of stimulus package for your budget—and your peace of mind.

 

Azul Beach Resort
Puerto Morelos, Riviera Maya

Who Should Go: Couples and families

Why: Azul Beach Resort knows just how to appeal to first-time all-inclusive guests. The resort has just 98 guest rooms, each featuring a patio or balcony, in low-rise adobe buildings clustered along the water’s edge. No activities director will rouse you from a beach bed to join a conga line (though a beach butler may ask if you’d like a cool towel or cold drink). The hotel has plenty of adult features—a bar dedicated to tequila, live music in the bars, menus with adventurous eaters in mind, those breezy beds on the sand—but also welcomes families with a daily kids’ club and children’s selections at its four restaurants.

The Dollars: Doubles from $278 during high season. Kids under 3 stay free; older kids are charged $90 a night. 

 

Casa Velas
Puerto Vallarta, Mexico

Who Should Go: Couples looking for quiet and romance

Why: Live like colonial gentry at Casa Velas, an adults-only, all-suite boutique hotel and ocean club in Puerto Vallarta. The quiet grounds—manicured tropical gardens, koi ponds, a curvaceous swimming pool, inviting patios—and attentive and discreet staff will have you convinced that you’re staying at a five-star hotel. The oversized suites feature private plunge pools or outdoor Jacuzzis. While Casa Velas is not on the beach, it maintains a private beach club with its own restaurant, lounge, infinity pool, and cabanas. The recently renovated spa offers five treatment rooms if you can remember anything that ails you in these dreamy surroundings.

The Dollars: Suites from $340 per person. 

Barcelo Playa Langosta
Tamarindo, Costa Rica

Who Should Go: Surfers, active couples, and families with older kids

Why: This glorious arc of Pacific beach has attracted surfers since the ’60s, and when you see the ocean from the ideal vantage point of Barcelo Playa Langosta, you’ll understand why. Getting in touch with nature here isn’t a challenge: without any more effort than a stroll along the beach or even across the grounds to the hotel pool, you can see howler monkeys, iguanas, raccoons, butterflies, hummingbirds, and parrots. A wild nightlife is another thing, though—travelers in search of a lively scene should take the $5 cab ride to the nightspots of Tamarindo.

The Dollars: Doubles from $165/night. 

 

Mango Bay
Holetown, Barbados

Who Should Go: Couples and families

Why: Many resorts keep you to themselves, but Mango Bay Resort wants to share you with Barbados. A friendly, small resort on the island’s west coast, Mango Bay is a stroll away from boutique shopping in Holetown and adjacent to a lively stretch of bars and clubs that cater to island visitors and residents. Guests are welcomed at the weekly street parties in town and local bands provide the nightly entertainment in the hotel bar. The all-inclusive rate includes a few off-site excursions, as well as resort activities like kayaking, pedal boats, and waterskiing. Lounge chairs stretch the length of the modest beach and around the curvy free-form pool.

The Dollars: Doubles from $425/night. (Mango Bay enjoys an active off-season for the Caribbean, so you may want to consider a hot summer holiday.) 

 

Club Med Ixtapa
Mexico

Who Should Go: Families

Why: The brand has slipped out of its swinging ’70s threads into something a little more family-friendly. Guests drop their offspring for the day at one of the buzzing Mini-Club Meds and then choose to take a yoga class, lounge on a daybed next to the pool, sail, snorkel, or sea-kayak in the Pacific. The swinging hasn’t ceased altogether, either: intrepid visitors can learn trapeze at the on-site circus school. A vacation here is a like visit to a swank, action-packed summer camp, with the added bonus of mojitos, spacious rooms, and comfy beds.

The Dollars: Adults stay from $1,440 per person for a seven-night all-inclusive vacation. Kids stay free much of the year and special discounts are announced frequently. 

 

CocoBay Resort
Antigua

Who Should Go: Couples looking for peace and quiet

Why: Guests at CocoBay know they’re in the West Indies. The individual bungalows, painted in soft pastels, have tin roofs, gingerbread trim, and spectacular, unobstructed sunset views. The hotel has furnished the cottages (and the larger "plantation houses") with hard-carved beds and antiques and decorated them with colorful local art. The mood at the resort is tranquil, informal, and unplugged: no phones or televisions—and no kids under 14.

The Dollars: Doubles from $320. 

Dreams Los Cabos
Los Cabos, Mexico

Who Should Go: Honeymooners and couples with small children

Why: While girls gone wild and their bachelor-party admirers whoop it up down in Cabo San Lucas, blissful romance prevails at this generously proportioned beachfront palace. Popular for destination weddings (ceremonies are scheduled almost every day) and honeymoons, Dreams offers large ocean-view suites with private terraces, three large pools, five restaurants, and lots of activities, as well as opportunities for leisurely inactivity. Special packages are available (for additional fees) if you want to play one of the eight championship golf courses in the area or try deep-sea fishing. While romance is the focus, Dreams hasn’t neglected families: a children’s Explorers Club (with evening hours) and a kids’ pool give parents a break.

The Dollars: Doubles from $395/night. 

Divi Aruba and Tamarijn Aruba
Oranjestad, Aruba

Who Should Go: Beach lovers of all types.

Why: The water’s the thing in Aruba—aqua-tinted and so ridiculously clear you can inspect your pedicure when you’re in it up to your chin. At Divi Aruba and its next-door sibling, Tamarijn, you’ll spend most your time in that water. The two resorts share amenities: pools, a 30-foot climbing wall, bikes, tennis courts, a gym, children’s camp, and access to a neighboring casino. Though families and honeymooners outnumber other guests, the vibe remains mellow and beach-focused, not frantic with kiddie activities or bass-thumping nightlife.

The Dollars: Doubles from $525 at Divi, and from $475 at Tamarijn. 

 

Melia Caribe Tropical
Punta Cana, Dominican Republic

Who Should Go: Couples, families, groups

Why: While it’s so sprawling that a mini-train shuttles guests around its vast grounds, the Melia Caribe Tropical offers a Royal Service upgrade which tames the beast. Royal Treatment guests can take advantage of the extensive amenities of a mega-resort while staying in their own wing, complete with dedicated butler service, as well as a private restaurant, pool, and exclusive stretch of Punta Cana’s spectacular blue water and bone-white sand beach. A beach concierge and runners fetch drinks and cool towels to your shady palapa. The distractions are many: golf, a climbing wall, windsurfing, a zip line, ten pools, tennis, and a casino. The Flintstones-themed kids’ club operates until the late evening so parents can enjoy some uninterrupted yabba-dabba-you time.

The Dollars: Junior Suites in the Royal Service wing (sleeps 2 adults and 2 children) are available from $410/night. 

 

 

Awesome Caribbean Cruises

The journey itself may become a relaxed vacation while traveling on world's largest, most elegant and stunning cruise ships. Add to it the exotic islands of the Caribbean, and you get a mind-boggling blend of tropical, sunny and vibrant destinations mixed with the finest cuisine, exclusive accommodations and superb services offered by the best cruise operators. 

See below several of the best cruise companies, learn what is the largest cruise ship, and find out how it will soon be conquered.

5. Celebrate the Caribbean with the Celebrity Cruises

www.celebritycruises.com

The Celebrity Century. 

Celebrity Cruises, a company established in 1989, was the first luxurious cruise operator available at reasonable prices. Today the big blue "X" is a symbol of sophisticated journeys, without pomposity, to world's most stunning places from Alaska to Europe. 

One of the company's main destinations is the Caribbean islands, and the best vessels to voyage around the tropics are Celebrity Century and Constellation Celebrity.   

The Celebrity Century. 

The upgraded Celebrity Century has it all: private verandas, personalized stationery, luxurious pillow menu, and the spas...yes, it is the spa that deserves special attention.  Excellent treatment facilities, considered to be one of the world's largest floating spas, offer another great way to find relaxation during the trip. The spa provides aromatic body therapies, facial treatments and many other services your body may desire along the journey to white sands and azure waters of the Caribbean.

The Celebrity Century's pool deck at night.

In turn, the highlight of the chic and glamorous Constellation Celebrity is cuisine. The Ocean Liners restaurant offers superior food inspired by the French art of cooking. Until 2007 the menu was consulted with a famed chef, Michelle Roux, who updated the menu every six months. At present the master is not aboard, but the food has remained so excellent it could rival the world's best restaurants.

Constellation Celebrity. 

The chefs of Celebrity. 

4. Make your Caribbean fantasy journey a reality

www.rssc.com

Regent's Seven Seas Voyager.

The experienced cruisers agree that the Regent Seven Seas Cruises have the best value for money, great service and excellent cuisine. The liners offer the highest space-per-person and staff-per-passenger ratios among cruises ships. Add to it the gourmet meals served by Le Cordon Blue school of Parisian cooking, and the company's motto, "make fantasy a reality", is becoming convincing.

Seven Seas Mariner. 

Among most interesting, exotic and adventurous voyages is the 65-day journey around the South America and the Caribbean on the Seven Seas Mariner , one of the best ships in the medium-size category that accommodates 700 guests. The vessel was the first all-suite, all-balcony ship in the world. She was awarded "Ship of the Year" in 2002 by Ocean and Cruise News.

Seven Seas Mariner. 

Belize stop during a Caribbean cruise. 

3. Feel like a queen on Queen Mary 2 ocean liner

www.cunard.com

The Queen Mary 2. 

As befits a queen, the Cunard Line's ocean liner under the name of Queen Mary 2 is elegant, sophisticated, luxurious and simply magnificent. The vessel was the longest, tallest and widest liner at the time of her construction in 2003. Queen Mary 2, which cruises around exotic islands and splendid ports of the Caribbean, carries 2,620 passengers and 1,253 crew. The liner houses several outdoor and indoor swimming pools, a spa, a winter garden, over a dozen dining room, and the magnificent Illuminations Theater with the first ever Planetarium at sea.

The Queen Mary 2. 

Whether on board or off, there is no chance to get bored during a Caribbean journey. While at sea you can choose from plenty of sports options, night entertainment, lectures, spa treatments or cinema and theater shows. While on land the passengers have an opportunity to explore cane plantations on Barbados, visit great cities shaped by the colonial tradition and exotic Caribbean vibrancy, stop by the floating market in Curacao, or enjoy afternoon diving and snorkeling in the crystal waters.

Queen Mary 2.

2. Escape to tranquility and beauty of the Caribbean

www.crystalcruises.com

The Crystal Serenity. 

"Escape to blissful tranquility, where gentle trade winds caress the senses and sandy white beaches are wrapped in turquoise waters"...well, how not to be tempted by the Crystal Cruises slogan that advertises the Caribbean voyages?

The Crystal Cruises offers one of the most diverse and exotic voyages around the Caribbean. Among highlights is the Caribbean Combination trip. The 14-deck Crystal Serenity , a luxury ship which carries 1080 guests and has one of the highest space-to-passenger ratios, is crusing around the islands for 22 days, visiting the best exotic Caribbean destinations such as St. Barts, Aruba, St. Maarten, Antigua, Costa Rica, and Turks & Caicos.

Turks & Caicos.

Crystal Serenity off the coast. 

Cruising the Caribbean is great, but cruising the Caribbean on Crystal Serenity is more than great - it's awesome. The ship is a queen among world's exclusive vessels. The staterooms are chic and spacious, with 100% Egyptian cotton sheets, feather beds and plush duvets; the service is unbelievably helpful and the cuisine is beyond-the-imagination tasty - including specialty restaurants by a famed chef, Nobu Matsuhisa, and a wine expert, Piero Selvaggio. The vessel's facilities such as the movie theater, two dining venues, the fitness and spa center, the computer center and language schools make the trip a virtually interesting experience.

Crystal Serenity... 

1. The Caribbean by the world's largest cruise ships 

www.royalcaribbean.com

Freedom of the Seas 

When established in 1969, the Royal Caribbean International was fully dedicated (as its name indicates) to journeys around the Caribbean islands. Today the RCI sails to Europe, Hawaii, Alaska and Canada, but the tropical destinations of the Caribbean have remained the apple of the company's eye.

The Freedom of the Seas. 

Among the most breathtaking vessels exploring the Caribbean is the Freedom of the Seas. It is currently the largest ship in the world with the capacity of 3,600 passengers, but it will be soon overtaken by the company's newest ship: the Oasis of the Seas .

Traveling by Freedom is like exploring a city at the sea. The ship is a huge playground for both kids and adults: a  rock-climbing wall, ice-skating rink, onboard surf park, open-air nightclub, Casino Royale, mini golf course and conferences halls are to be found.

Inside the Freedom of the Seas. By Ulf-Esdert Schmidt

In December 2009 the new player and the world's largest vessel will enter the water stage. The Oasis of the Seas, which will be cruising around the Caribbean, will be 40% bigger than the Freedom liner. 

The Oasis of the Seas. 

The 16-deck giant will be 1,187 fl long and 240 ft high. It will be able to carry more than 6,000 passengers and 2,000 staff. It will not only be the biggest, but also the most luxurious ship ever. The amphitheater that will sit at the stern of the ship will seat 750 people and allow amazing views of the ocean.

The amphitheater at the stern of the ship. 

The construction of the Oasis of the Sea in progress. 

It will have a basketball court, a miniature golf course and surf simulators, an ice rink and a rock climbing wall, swimming pools, an open air space with own micro-climate containing living trees and plants.

The cost of the Oasis exceeds one billion dollars.

The Oasis's facilities.

It seems almost indecent to wallow in such luxury, and I'm not rally sure I want to know how filthy rich one needs to be to at least set a foot on board of those. Anyway, enjoy the images and, meanwhile, I'll go get my EuroMillions ticket.

Top 10 Most Expensive Hotel Suites in the World

Have you ever wanted to feel like a monarch, an Arab sheik, a Hollywood celebrity or some other filthy rich ass? If you have, this is your lucky day because below is a list of 10 locations where - given enough champagne to dumb the “God I just blew my retirement money away” thought - you will experience what it’s like to be absurdly rich.

However, since I reckon you’re not a member of that elite caste (they probably have funnier things to do than reading my article) you’re most likely to have a more limited budget so read and chose carefully.

10. Lanesborough, London

English understatement.

PRICE PER NIGHT: $14,658

At $14,658 a night the Royal Suite at the Lanesborough in London seems a real bargain. After all, you get windows that overlook the Constitutional Arch and the Buckingham Palace, three bedrooms (perhaps they want you to bring your college buddies for spring break?) that come with luxurious linens and four-poster beds. It’s last place in the ranking may be explained only by the bathroom which is a tad old fashioned, with its hand-painted cast iron bathtub and an inlaid marble floor. Good thing the suit has a dining area, study, and drawing room, a kitchen and discreet staff who stand by for your whims. This being England, a 24/7 butler-on-demand is included in the price.

9. Burj al Arab, Dubai

Arabian nights at the world's only 7 star hotel.

PRICE FOR NIGHT: $14,976

If you find London a bit too gloomy why not try something sunnier?
The Burj al Arab hotel in Dubai, UAE is just a touch pricier at $14,976 but its Royal Suite (wouldn’t Sheik Digs sound less pretentious?) has all the sun you want. Plus this two-story, 8,400-square-foot suite offers a view of the Arabian sea, mahogany furniture, marble flooring, dining and lounge areas. When you get dizzy from lying on the rotating four-poster bed in the master bedroom watch the Lonely Tunes in the suite's private cinema. The bath (marble, of course) comes stocked with products from Hermes. Did I mention the butler?

8. InterContinental London Park Lane, London

Still water runs deep? 

PRICE PER NIGHT: $17,500

A full office, dining room, three living rooms and five bedrooms, and the usual buttler are all impressive but the outstanding feature of this - yes, you got it - Royal Suite is the monstrously huge bed in the master bedroom. At InterContinental London Park Lane you have to cough up $17,500 for the opportunity to share your bed with 9 other people. I mean what's the point? I had that experience for $30 in a NYC hostel - trust me, it's overrated. Why not be straight about it and just call the suite the Orgy Central Suite and show the action on TV?

No pictures here you pervert:).

7. Hotel Ritz, Paris

Hemingway and Fitzgerald were guests here. 

PRICE PER NIGHT: $17,556

Can you guess what the next suite is called? Nope, it is not Royal. We are moving to France where people are not renown for modesty, so at the Hotel Ritz in Paris you get no less but the Imperial Suite.
The name is fully deserved though, as the 2,000-square-foot suite recreates the luxury and splendor of Louis XIVth era and the master bedroom is a replica of Marie Antoinette's sleeping quarters at Versailles. This unfortunately means there are no rotating beds there, just a simple canopied four-poster bed and gold leaf moldings on the walls. Hopefully, the $17,556 per night bill will not decapitate your credit, will it?

Ritzy.

6. Martinez Hotel, Cannes

Focus problems after partying?

PRICE PER NIGHT: $18,000

The people at the Martinez Hotel, at Cannes get two thumbs up for having the guts to put a nice, rounded price tag: $18,000 for the Penthouse Suite will buy you 8,000 square feet of luxury with the usual amenities, a Turkish bath, and an open bar. What makes them exceptional (there are two at the hotel) is the suit’s wraparound terrace with the view of the Bay of Cannes. Each terrace can accommodate 100 guests so with a bit of invention you can share the room and bring the bill down to $180. Serving on all the guest could kill the butler though.

5. Plaza Hotel, New York City

Warm and cudlly, isn't it?

PRICE PER NIGHT: $20,000

Finally to the beacon of democracy, New York City, USA. Although the $20,000 may not be so democratic you’ll find no Royals or Imperials at the Plaza Hotel, just plane and simple Presidential Suite. I mean, can you think of a better place to show off your egalitarian spirit than the entire 18th floor of this splendid NYC hotel? Just think how many people you can fit into its two living rooms, a library, six bedrooms and 7 (seven) bathrooms; if you open up the four balconies to your guests, you can throw a party for half the Bronx! I’m sure the chauffeur that comes with the suite won’t mind picking them up in the suite’s Rolls Royce.

4. President Wilson Hotel, Geneva

Luxury well hidden. 

PRICE PER NIGHT: $23,000

The cunning inhabitants of Helvetia have managed to stay neutral in all areas, even in the hospitality industry. How else to explain their Royal Suite at the President Wilson Hotel. For $23,000 a night you get the regular share of luxury spread evenly over the 17,000 square feet comprising four bedrooms and six bathrooms (What’s the thing with more bathrooms than bedrooms in luxury suits? I guess the term filthy rich does have a reason). The Swiss,  known for their discreet banking services, throw in a private elevator and a terrace with stunning views of Mont Blanc, Lake Geneva (or Leman for locals) in the deal.

This shot of Lake Geneva was taken in Lousane bylassi.kurkiyarivi. Doubt he paid $23,000 for the view.

3. Atlantis, the Bahamas

PRICE PER NIGHT: $25,000

For a less discreet and more laid back atmosphere visit the Atlantis hotel in the Bahamas. That’s if you’re not intimidated by marble floors, grand piano, or a 22-karat gold chandelier hanging over your head in the dining room. Nor by the fact that your 10 room Bridge Suite is truly a bridge spanning the two towers of the hotel,  floating way up (23rd floor to be precise) in the air over Paradise Island. Price tag is $25,000 and minimum stay is seven days.

2. Westin Excelsior, Rome

Doesn't look the price, does it?

PRICE PER NIGHT: $29,254

For more classical surroundings check into Villa Cupola at the Westin Excelsior in Rome. I figure the frescoes, stained glass windows, walnut-paneled library, private kitchen and God knows how many bathrooms are just a smokescreen for the wine cabinet featuring 150 bottles of top quality wines. At $29,254 a night it’s roughly $195 a bottle. AA’s paradise. The morning after, you have two alternatives to cure the ensuing hangover: work it out at your private gym or wait through it on the sundeck overlooking Via Veneto.

1.  Palms Fantasy Towers hotel, Las Vegas

Photo by flipchip / LasVegasVegas.com

PRICE PER NIGHT: $40,000

And the winner - as always - is SEX SEX SEX! I mean why else would people flock to the Sky Villa that Hugh Hefner located in the Sin City? A shower for eight people, eight-foot wide rotating bad and a steam room say it all. The Playboy founder sometimes parties at the Palms Fantasy Towers hotel in Las Vegas himself but if you want to do it it will cost you $40,000 a night and whether the price includes bunnies remains a matter of dispute on the Net, but officially at least it does not. So don’t get too excited just too find out you wasted all the money on two empty floors with a Playboy butler instead of the giggling chicks you were hoping for:

Not what you were hoping for?

If you do, just cool off in the pool.

Lonely at the Sky VIlla? Take a cold bath.

Choice is yours

Hope this review will make it easier for you to pick up your next holiday spot. Or at least it will get you really, really frustrated:). Let me know which one it is.